Tuesday April 7, 2020
Dear Papa,
In the last month COVID 19 blew up all over the world, ripping my personal universe apart. Mass has been canceled until further notice. It’s all being streamed online. I can only go to confession.
There are no more group things of the Embroidery Guild, Dress For Success, Grind Writers. Nearly all but the most of essential stores/shops have been closed.
Social distancing has become the new norm. I no longer work because my job has been deemed non essential. But I am still getting my salary paid.
Doctors are only seeing patients via video calling unless urgent.
The world has become a major ghost town. Only those with essential errands can go out for air & exercise. Buses are virtually empty with seats blocked off for social distancing.
I’m having such a hard time right now with being at home so much, Papa. I keep busy. I’ve done so much skyping with people to lift my mood up. I’ve watched a ton of COVID 19 videos. But I still despair. I feel hopeless. I feel so isolated & alone.
I don’t know what to do. I wish you were here with me to cheer me up. To pray the rosary with. But you were never ever there for me. Because you left when I was 3 years old. And it’s all my fault. Just like all of my health issues are all self-inflicted. Because I caused my lymphedema, my DISH, my endometriosis, my Asperger Syndrome, my gall bladder issues (before it was taken out). IT IS ALL MY FAULT. I AM ALL TO BLAME. I CAUSED IT ALL. I AM A VERY HORRIBLE PERSON.
You are the last ghost I can’t kill.
Love,
Tara Kimberley Torme